Letter – Town Centre is Like a Warzone

I HAVEN’T been into the centre of town on a Friday or Saturday night in twenty years and nor will I.
It becomes a warzone at those times with all manner of loutish behaviour.
Why won’t the council do something?
Robert Shaw,
Local resident

Letter – Recycling is a Waste of Time

WHY can’t we go back to the old bins? Previously our bin was emptied every week. Now we are supposed to sort our rubbish into recyclable materials and ordinary household waste. The recycling is collected one week and the ordinary rubbish the next.
My point is that the rubbish is collected only once a fortnight as opposed to once a week, yet our bin is barely twice the size.
The council say that if we are recycling properly we shouldn’t fill the bin within a fortnight. Well we are a family of three and routinely produce 15 extra bin bags of rubbish. Explain that.
Helen Moreover,
Local resident

Letter – Modern Life is Rubbish

IT SEEMS that not a week goes by when I don’t read about one of the town’s youths getting involved in a brawl on a Friday night or spraying graffiti on a wall.
Back when I was a teenager, me and my friends often went a week without getting into trouble. Of course we stole, as all kids do, but it was probably only about once a month. Sometimes we got in fights on a Friday night, but again, it wasn’t every week.
Sometimes we even went so far as to lie in wait for a pretty young girl. You had to be forceful with them back then. It was all good fun though. From reading this publication, it seems that modern youths go too far.
Name and address supplied

Letter – It’s Just Not Cricket

IT’S JUST not cricket, I say. Why are people starting up a local under-11s cricket team when there are so many other more important things to be done.
There’s the yob culture blighting our town centre and paedeophiles stalking the streets. Wouldn’t we be better off tackling those before messing about with bats and balls.
Maude Morrison,
Local resident

Running Costs

A DAD in training to raise funds for a local charity has pledged to do ‘whatever it takes’ to get in shape for his 5km run.

Father of two, Thomas Doyle, 36, who has no health problems whatsoever, started training for his 5km run six months ago. “I’ve been going probably two or three times a month overall, although I was slow starting and recently I’ve eased off a bit. It still shows how committed I am to this good cause though.

“I’ll probably have to walk a good deal of the 5km to be honest, but as long as I get round, that’s the main thing.”

If Thomas manages to get round the 5km course, he stands to make £12,000 for the Institute of Hard Times Supportmanship, a new charity that has been set up to comfort the financially secure at times of bad business deals.

Thomas said: “There’s a lot of caring for the needy these days, but most of them just steal from you and then take heroin. People forget that there are hard-working people out there who occasionally find themselves going through a hard time with work.

“How many of the needy have lost potential six figure contracts with clients? None. It’s about time somebody recognised that fact and supported the victims. It’s no good consoling them. They need cold, hard cash.”

For further donations, contact Paul at his website.

Picture Brings Back Memories

AFTER the Local News published a photograph of the town centre taken in 1936, the newsdesk has been inundated with calls and e-mails from readers.

Maureen Gough, 70, phoned up to say: “1936 was the year that I was born. It was so good to see what the town was like back then. I remember it well, even though the whole place was demolished and rebuilt completely differently in 1937. Thanks for bringing back the memories Local News.”

Peter Dowd, a regular correspondent, 45, wrote: “1936 was a great year for the local area. If only we could go back to those days. There was no yob culture back then. Sure, a few youngsters occasionally had one too many, but nobody of our ethnicity ever got hurt.”

So there you have it. The Local News has put a spring back in everyone’s step by printing a photograph of what something used to look like.

Local Primary School is Number One

ST JESUS’ Primary School for God has been named best in the county. St Jesus’, which is a private school, implements a controversial policy whereby any student deemed to be unfit can be asked to leave despite their parents paying a lump sum at the start of each school year.

St Jesus’ headteacher, Alderley Stewart-Hyde defended the policy. “It’s clear from the results in this report that our approach is paying dividends. It means that every single one of our students is performing to the required standard. Consequently we have outshone other schools in the area drastically.”

Trevor Baines a Year 5 pupil at the school said: “It’s pretty miserable having to work the whole time, but we’ll appreciate it when we’re heading up vast global corporations and the like.

“I miss my friend Charles sometimes, but he only took part in seven or eight extra-curricular activities a week, so he was asked to leave. My mum says I’m better off without him because he’ll only end up becoming a miner or a wino.”

Parents interested in sending their children to St Jesus’ Primary School for God should contact the head attaching a CV and bank statement.